käm(ə)ˈrädərē

It's been a long week and we're all feeling drained at Kamp Koop.  In an effort to lighten the mood, the Kamp Band will play a late show in the little used "fancy dance box" on the third floor of the Greek Studies building.  We don't want to give too much away, but we hear they've been arranging some new tunes in the key of d(ancemothafuckadance).  The god of wine will manifest himself in the form of Welch's concord grape juice for all attendees. 

Beached Whales

Kamp Koop will provide emergency relief effort to those who claim the winter blues is the cause of their listlessness and indulgence in Friends reruns whilst lounging like sea cows on the upholstery.  We will not let you get crushed by the weight of your own body, dammit.  We will help you find solace in knitting, knife throwing and scotch.

Austrian School

We will serve the left-over root-beer tonight while we review Friedrich Hayek's The Road to Serfdom in the north lounge.  Please note that we will cover Alex de Tocqueville's The Road to Servitude and everyone's favorite, Johnny Keynes' The General Theory of ..., later in the week.

Up for the Downbeat

An esteemed musical trio will perform live with a wooden beat-box named Jon in the metal shop during the evening dinning hours.  Hors d'oeuvres will be provided by our local Parisian Palace restaurant and the root beer will come straight from the new batch made in the chemistry lab.  A documentary about cheetahs will follow the show for you night-owls and nature lovers. 

Making the Cut

After an exhaustive search for the finest men's barbershop in all the land, we at Kamp Koop awarded our praise to the beatniks down the street.  Please note that whiskey, pool tables and grooming do not mix; trim your mop and then meet the fellows out for a cordial.  

Chaise Lounge

We will host a party tonight in the showroom of the furniture factory to celebrate all of our lazy summer achievements. We are especially proud to announce that the Crooner Crackers, our newest four piece kamp band, will premier at the event.  Their harmonies are not tight, their repertoire is lean and they only have a tenuous grasp of phrasing, but boy do they have heart!  Come one, come all! Please remember to dress like gentlefolk.

Karaoke

Please stop spreading rumors about Dominique Strauss-Kahn taking over the DJ booth tonight.

Stormy Sunday

This Sunday we will have a four piece Rag-Time band and Sazerac Cocktails* on the main terrace where we plan to welcome Irene and all of the new Kampers.  Boater hats suggested.  All are invited.

*We will provide root beer for the teetotalers and HI-C for the Racket Ball League.

Red, White but Mostly Blue Lazarus

In light of the volatile rhetoric that is bubbling out of the Republican presidential primary race, we chose America as the recurring theme for the new Koop semester, which begins in just three days.  We highly recommend the following reading/viewing for insight into the country's ever-changing character:

1. Franz Kafka's Amerika

2. Jean Baudrillard's America

3. Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Team America: World Police

4. Alex de Tocqueville's Democracy in America

5. Nancy Pearcy's Total Truth: Liberating Christianity from its Cultural Captivity (a Bachmann favorite)

Duck, Duck, Zoloft

A number of members of the Androgynous Advertising Association  found a sense of empowerment Tuesday night while reading select Baudrillard passages aloud around the nightly kampfire and s'mores roast. Specifically, they were fond of the idea that advertising represents "degree zero of meaning" within current societal structure.  Even so, the empowerment quickly dissolved into an open quarry of existential angst when they analyzed the current iteration of their advertisement for the upcoming Koop Film Festival that has neither a location nor any selected films.  The ad was shot in stop-motion and involves a complex narrative about a lonely duck that gets caught in the rain.  It is tongue-in-cheek yet "cute" all at the same time but it has nothing to do with a film festival.  If their ad has nothing to do with something that is horribly incomplete, then they have stepped behind degree zero into a world of unrealized understanding.  Sound familiar?

Green Thumb

The kampers have thus far proven themselves as savvy investors.  All the participants profited and three notable members were so skilled as to treble their principal on a compounding daily basis.  Of those three, two will run a small hedge fund for the kamp out of the long abandoned and newly renovated powder magazine north of Koop Pond. The third member chose to continue on with his Koop Grant Project to build a reverse osmosis lab in order to source "perfect" water for his agricultural experiment entitled "Plant Parenthood" where he plans to coddle fruits and vegetables with ideal growing conditions in warehouse three.

Seal-ing the Deal

No, we're not advocating the clubbing of adorable baby seals.  Instead, as friends of capitalism and game theory, we are crafting a response to the current political quagmire (the one that followed on the coattails of a thrillingly muggy weather pattern to the swamp that we call our Capital).  Our response follows the old adage "if you can't beat them, join them." Only we suggest instead of joining them, we profit from them.

Here's the deal: every kamper gets $100 to invest in the markets.  Do it wisely.  Fear is a funny thing.  Good luck.

Stand By Your Bat-Phone

A local neighborhood watch group recently commissioned Kamp Koop to design and build a Bat-Mobile for their nightly patrols.  We ask that any interested kampers amend their summer plans and return to Kamp to help with this challenging off-season project.

Cosmology of Bad Music

In honor of the new Electronic Music Center, The Meandering Misanthropic Musicians proposed a new coffee table book with the intention of tackling the theory of music gone wrong. Current ideas for chapters include the following:

1. Giorgio Moroder

2. "Dude, this guy is the best guitar player ever."

3. Falco

4. Painfully Nostalgic/Dramatic Interpretations of the Canon 

5. "He's an amazing musician, he plays all the instruments in the band."

Please submit any suggestions, photographs or essays to your bunk house leader. 

Loop At Me Now ft. DJ Jewd LAW

A generous donation from Ma Bells & Whistles, Inc. allowed us to refurbish The Koop Electronic Music Center, which has been in disrepair since the Casio Keyboard was released.  Early reviews by kampers have been extremely promising.  Late last night we held the inaugural "Don't Dilly Daley with the Delay Pedal" jam session.  A select group of kampers, who earlier in the evening correctly recited their circle of 5ths, performed improvised music of the ambient variety while RC Cola through Twizzler straws were enjoyed by all.  If there is enough interest in a late summer session focused on modular synths than we will hold a bake sale to raise money for the necessary equipment.  A warm thank you goes out to the kampers who recorded a 45 minute version of Taps onto reel to reel using only a jew harp and loop pedal.

Stalled

As suggested in a recent notice, we at kamp koop attempted to send the ninth variant of the science club's chemically propelled rocket to the planet Venus.  Although our attempt failed, the spirit was strong and the experience was sweetened with nearly seven minutes of radio contact with it in low earth orbit.  The rocket burned up somewhere  over Franz Josef Land; it did not make landfall.  The kampers that finalized the construction of the vessel are some of our "summer stragglers" who were simply looking for a project to occupy their time until the next session of kamp opens.  It appears they will be rewarded with a trip to the Large Hadron Collider (run by a former kamper) where we expect to see that chemicals are an inefficient and "old-fashioned" approach to storing/making energy.

Rocket Number Nine Take off for the Planet Venus

Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, up in the air.
Up, zoom, up, zoom, up in the air.

End of Quarter Trips

As of yesterday, another quarter is complete.  There were two successful events this past weekend that marked the end:

1.  The kampers in the nautical program used their knowledge to complete a successful one night voyage aboard the flagship of the kamp koop armada.  

2. The kampers in the arts track headed to a nearby town to experience 20 th century music in two distinct and noteworthy settings.

Stay posted for selected personal accounts from a few star kampers

Karaoke

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is not and never was the featured DJ this week.

Peter's Projection

Memorial Day weekend provided the exact excuse we needed to grill Chicago-Style "dogs" for the kampers.  The results were astounding.  A special thanks goes to the Art Institute for their donation of the homemade mustard; it was the kamp-wide favorite of the day.  To capture the zeitgeist of eras bygone, the kounselors once again  honored the finest of blatantly archaic east coast traditions by eating their decadent-dogs in fashionable white linen outfits (provided by Chanel this year, styles now available in the gift shop with tailoring included).  Since many of the kids are soon off to travel with their parents, siblings, maids and nurses, we decided it was fitting to work a geography lesson into the weekend by panting a Peter's Projection Map of the World on the main quad upon which the kids marked their summer destinations with their initials in Arabic.

Mr. Smith Goes to the Koop

Kampers, lest we all forget, the Koop's summer session is officially right around the korner. That being the case, we thought a little fanfare was in order.  The Jimmy Stewart Estate has agreed to lend us Mr. Stewart's "likeness" for the first day of kamp.  With the "likeness" at our disposal,we are going to mount a quasi-original screenplay, written in round table fashion by the executive board of the Koop.  The title is apt: Mr. Smith Goes to the Koop.  The premise has changed only slightly (girls are now included in Smith's proposed kamp legislation).  The filibuster is in good form and we hope to perpetuate
that sentiment throughout the balmy season.  

*Let the rumors be quashed now, Sam Seaborn shall NOT be the keynote speaker at this year's kamp kommencement.

Red Tape Removal

After a three month fact finding study, we learned that the registration process for the kulinary workshop was unnecessarily confusing and weighted toward admitting Midwesterners.  In our ongoing effort to eliminate inefficiency, we simplified the forms and hope to see a rise in attendance. 

Pearly Whites

Kamp Koop would like to reiterate that as an institution of betterment, we are quite fond of dental hygiene.  Your teeth are the best friend you've got.  Remember to see your dentist once every six months.

Little Blue Pills

It looks like our friends at Pfizer sent a few too many complimentary boxes of their best selling product to the counselors.   We plan to evenly distribute the remaining supply amongst the kampers and local wildlife.

What's in your Bumper?

Tonight we have a special guest from the local law school who will present a 20 minute lecture about privacy in America.  We plan to follow with a Q & A session and a group trip to the kamp motor pool where we will search the vehicles for some of the fancy new sticky GPS tracker toys that are continuously getting stuck on the cars driven by our prestigious Kamp Koop journalism team.

Unexpected Visitors

At 3:09 PM twelve high-profile Al Qaeda operatives were discovered and captured in a network of caves under Ruxton, a town roughly ten kilometers north of Kamp Koop.  It appears the extremists were holed-up for the better part of a decade in an effort to avoid the melee in Afghanistan and northern Pakistan.  They were discovered by an employee of Graul's Market on what at first appeared to be a standard delivery run.  The area is now safe and secure.  All of the parents were called to confirm the well being of the kampers.

Statistics Class

Two slot machines were installed in the A/V room over the weekend.  The ribbon Cutting ceremony is scheduled for tomorrow evening at five.  A special thanks is in order for Goldman Sachs, our corporate sponsor.

Huzzah!

ALL IS SAFE!

Our little "dog issue" is over and everyone is safe.  Thank you for your cooperation.  Your response time was incredible; the monthly fire-drills proved to save your lives.

EMERGENCY! STAY INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTIFICATION!

A pack of mangy, wild dogs from Pennsylvania has somehow wandered onto our kamp grounds.  Follow fire-drill procedure #2.  Also, do not look into the eyes of the feral animals and remain indoors until notification stating otherwise.  If you are a Late Lunch Laxer or an Evening Squasher with your custom engraved Beretta shotgun ready and loaded then you are permitted outside.

Thank you for your cooperation

May Day

We at Kamp Koop were thrilled with the turn-out for yesterday's festivities.  The tables were filled with a cornucopia of provincial French food and wine, while the mood reflected the absolute optimism of the season.  Special thanks are in order for both the cat-lady who was gracious enough to parade her pageant animal through the grounds before lunch and Aloysius, our resident carpenter, who made a new May-Pole after we donated ours to a garrison of Icelandic soldiers currently stationed in Canada.

We Sing

In honor of the of the matrimonial air wafting across the Atlantic, we at Kamp Koop have arranged for a sing-along of the UK and US national anthems at sundown under the fresh foliage of the Founder's Tree on the main parade grounds.  In an effort to create a sentimental atmosphere, we will substitute  "Jerusalem" for "God Save The Queen"  and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" for "The Star-Spangled Banner".  Mock-tails for the kampers and gin based Apple-tinis for the counselors to follow.

Cheerio

Fabricated Forms

We received "Hurt Feelings" Reports from three (Shannon, Rick and Bobby) kampers in the the counselors' collective mailbox.  Please note the form's origination is undetermined so in lieu of sanctioned Kamp procedure for handling complaints, we will post the egregious, albeit hilarious, grievances on the message board outside of bunkhouse five.  All kamp approved forms are available at the registrar.

Storytime at the Koop with Kounselor Adam

Please be aware that, unlike most institutions of higher learning, the Koop is not substituting Film Studies for Literature and, in a possibly unrelated note, it is not re-instituting the gold standard.  Laissez-Faire is fine just the way it is.  Tomorrow we volunteer at the soup kitchen in tribute to Ayn Rand.

We've run out of Soap

We're expecting a shipment tomorrow morning.  Stay calm and keep your perspiration to a minimum for the rest of the day. 

Thank you for your patience

Stockholm Swindlers

A group of kampers departed today for the north land to practice the art of pickpocketing. We wish them luck. 

ForHire

We have been absolutely swamped with CVs for resident dry-cleaner.  We thank you for your support and encourage you to apply, but please note the position is not officially available for another three weeks.

Bitter:Sweet

After a terribly drawn-out process, Boris the resident dry-cleaner finally got his green card.  We are all thrilled by his tenacity in his daily dealings with our undoubtedly fickle bureaucracy.  Though happy for his new status, we at the kamp are also sad because he decided to return to accounting-- his profession before he emigrated from Moldavia in '93.  We will host a green-visor party this Friday as a thank you and a send-off for our friend, dry cleaner, American citizen.  Hurrah!

Word of the Day

Callipygian

What's your name?

An attractive lady named Keri called in and asked to serenade our late lunch laxers and evening squash players.  The counselors gave it a bilateral thumbs up and asked that she perform for all the kampers.  She agreed. We are excited.

ithyphallic

A few counselors visited a kamp in Brooklyn called The Sloper this past weekend.  Culturally speaking, The Sloper's mission is to expose their kampers to the myriad local institutions of wonderment.  Concerning the flagship attraction, the area hosts one of the tallest cock-towers in the world, which incidentally hosts a phenomenal flea market on the weekends.  We are planning a voluntary trip when the weather warms.  Sign-up sheets will be in the lobby.

Here's to Rick

We would like everyone to take a moment today to thank the lanky one for help with feeding the ferocious kamp katz this past weekend.  Cheers, guy!

Chicken Parmesan

Kamp Koop hosted a Chicken Parmesan dinner-party for key investors this past Friday.  The dinner went well and it looks like we finally have a sponsor for a new facility north of the main grounds where we hope to build a Romanesque bath structure in time for the 2012 summer ornithological summit.

Absence Notification

The Directors of Kamp were on extended leave for the past few weeks.  We collectively apologize for what was most undoubtedly a conspicuous lack of commentary on the message board and would like to buddy-up with a kamp sponsored scavenger hunt in DC.  Departure date is currently TBD.

Video Phone

We've been having so much fun.  Also, don't forget to dance with the hippopotamus tonight.

The Breakfast Burritos

...are missing.  Although we know the no-snitching rule is widely observed by most of the campers and counselours, we'd like to serve brunch.  Please bring them back to the dining hall and remember: amnesty is a cornerstone of our institution.

Afternoon Activities

...will resume today.  Please note that Miss Margene's pickpocketing class is completely full.

Afternoon Activities

...are canceled. Spend your time learning about current events.

Guest Coach

Micky Ward, i.e., The Fighter, recently gave le Kamp Koop's evening squash players a few pointers.  Here is a direct quote from the lesson:

Micky Ward: Yeah. You know, racquetball you slug it out. I hit, you hit. Squash is a chess game, you know. I'm gonna pick my shots to take him down. I'm goin' drop, cross, drop, cross.
 

Bobby: What is drop, cross, drop, cross?
 

Micky Ward: Well, I hit him a drop shot. Then he's gonna go up to protect himself, so it opens up the court and I'm gonna hit him with a cross shot. And he goes back down the court, I go back up to the drop shot. He goes back up the court and I hit him with the cross shot. You know people don't know squash. Thinking you do a lotta damage hittin' somebody with a drop, but you actually do more hitting them with a cross.

Bobby: Wow! 

Weekend Briefing

1. The Hipster co-op is growing a plethora of corn.  A sixteenth of the corn is allocated to co-op consumption and the remainder will be refined into ethanol to power the looms that will make the plaid fabric for the co-op sewing mills.  The hipsters are busy and quite happy, while we are proud of our efforts to keep them off the east coast.

2. The dry cleaners will be making rounds at lunch on Monday so remember to leave your Hermes leisure-wear on your exterior dry cleaning hook for pick up.

3. We're happy to report that all fist-fights have been taken out behind the dumpster.

4. The new fire-pit will be lit for the first time tonight.  Remember to continue to rehearse your part for the Battle Hymn of the Republic so that we can really "wow" the parents and the locals. Hoedown to follow.

Enjoy your weekend,

le Kamp Koop

Dad's Porsche

It appears that Tom crashed his father's Porsche into the harbor last night.  We should all look at this as a lesson and help him raise funds to fix the car with a combination bake-sale/lemonade-stand.

Team Gear

The Hermès after-hours casual-wear for the late lunch lax club, the evening squash players and Kyle the clarinet player is now available.  Remember to check the sizing and please, only three cravats per person.  Also, a few of you still need to pick up your custom engraved Beretta shotguns.




Raquetball Assn:  Your velour tracksuits and embroidered Sketcher shape-ups are scheduled to arrive before the weekend. 

Phase Two Complete

Special thanks to all who helped round up the hipsters yesterday.  The trucks are loaded and on their way to the heartland.

Kansas

Kids, Put on your ass kicking boots because today we are going to round up all of the hipsters in Greenpoint, Williamsburg, and if there is time left, Station North. Tomorrow, we will ship them to work a small organic cornfield in Kansas (their co-op dream, realized).  On Thursday, we will revel victoriously over the end of offending body odor, over-sized glasses, ironic detachment and reclaim the streets for the people.

Cinematography

The CCO (Cheif Craft Officer) of le Kamp Koop was nauseous, feverish, and understandable out-of-it for the past few days.  As kamp koop's main mission is camaraderie, we all watched the finest films with the sick.  Komrade O$Kar will lead a symposium for an in-depth look at the films in a few days in the Akademy's Auditorium.

Kold Weather Skillz

Kamp Koop is online again.  All of the kounselors were in Maine practicing their cold weather search & rescue skills.  It's good to be back.

Art School

Today at Kamp we draw on napkins and bathroom stalls.  The fine art supplies are in Ms. Knocks' handbag.  Have fun!

Happy Friday!

ICED

Our first snow-day was a success, but only by a narrow margin.  The biggest problem was the kamp koop motor-pool as it took the majority of the kounselors the majority of the day to de-ice the vehicles needed to move supplies.  Igloo building also went terribly wrong at 1:33PM EST when Roger's feelings were hurt by Gina on the parade ground in the spot known as Giza (for a small scale recreation of the Egyptian pyramids completed in the summer of '99).  The day was saved by an epic "sports-off" between Messrs. Rick and Bob.  The kids were awestruck by both the sheer athleticism and the unmitigated sportsmanship.  Burgers by the new chef-in-residence, a tech-savvy Brit, were well received by all following the friendly competition.

Pile: Snow

It snowed last night at Kamp Koop.  All planned activities are canceled.  Today we learn to build igloooooos.

Pile: Gone

Last night was our most successful laundry campaign of the year.  A special thanks to Mr. Rick for his patience and planning.

Shopping Carts

After a successful bonfire and skeet tournament, the kids went to the local market to prepare for dinner.  Shenanigans were at an all time high when the South African exchange camper found a tiny shopping cart and wore it as an anklet.  Things got a little messy but eventually order was restored and dinner was a success.  The local market will not press charges.

A much needed day of rest greeted the kampers on Sunday.

Horse Pills

Kamp Koop is investigating recent diva activity at our "Karaoke on the Korner" event.  It appears some animal tranquilizers were involved, which lead to some graceful (read: odd and uncomfortable) dancing.  No one is mad or injured.  This investigation will probably lead to no sound conclusions.

Slow Down (yourlicenseplatehere) Your Neighbors

Today we review the rules of the road at Kamp Koop.

Also, remember to buckle up, it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of the car.

Piled High! Part Deux

The kampers were too tired for laundry night.  Instead, we studied aquatic life and created/played an impromptu game of memory.

Tonight is laundry night.

Piled High!

Tonight is laundry night.

Immersion 2010-11

Bonjour,

The Kamp Koop koople is back from a one week intensive holiday kultural exchange with a number of kamps on the river Seine.  We were most disturbed when on day-one the foreign kampers dissected frogs during science hour. We were most impressed on day-five during baking class when the kampers were able to keep their cigarette ash out of the dough when they made macaroons.  We should all strive to be so graceful.   

Bonne Annee 2011